Dr Julie | Psychologist

👉 No? Then I have an important message for you. Take this as a signal that here lies a huge opportunity for learning something that could transform the way you experience and approach life. The bad news is that if your internal narrative sounds more like a bully than a friend, it will be having negative consequences on your wellbeing. But the good news is that you have more power to change it than you think. All of it was learned. And as an adult you get to update your learning with conscious effort. Every choice that you make about how to act either reinforces your beliefs and predictions about yourself and the world, or it changes them. So, if you are to shift the way you relate to yourself and how you experience life, you must do that with your actions as well as the thoughts you focus on. Start by asking yourself the questions below: • If I was to treat myself as I treat the people I care about, what would that look like in terms of my actions and behaviour? • What would it sound like in the way I interpreted my own failings and shortcomings? • How would it show up in my interactions with other people? See if you can paint a detailed image of the concrete behaviour changes that would be necessary for this change to take place and be sustained. Let me know how you get on. 👉 For more on this you can pre-order my new book - Open When… (link in bio) or check out my million copy bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages!

👀 Big Reveal! 👉 If you are under stress, dealing with difficult people, trying to fit in, making big decisions, arguing with your partner, or any of the human problems that leave us confused about which step to take, Open When... is a ‘break in case of emergency’ book to bring clarity, calm and get you back on the front foot, ready to move forward. See the links in my bio to grab a copy ❤️ 👉 For a SIGNED copy see the link in my bio and head to Waterstones to order yours. There are a limited number so you might need to be quick. If you are in the USA and can’t access Waterstones, there are links for Barnes and Noble, Amazon US and an exclusive edition available from Target This book is already being translated into many different languages. Let me know if you already have a copy in the comments x

👉 Most people don’t realise this is actually how therapy works. Ok this might not sound like good news but I promise you it is. Nobody is going to fix your problems or heal your wounds. The reason this is good news is that you are not at the mercy of what happened to you or the people you employ to help you through it. You are very much in the driving seat. You can work with them to create the right conditions for natural healing to take place. When you do that your body and mind will do the rest. But if you expect everything to be better too soon, or you expect healing to mean the total elimination of any scars, then you’ll always feel like there is a problem to be fixed. So take your time and take the lead in doing what is necessary to promote healing. 👉 For more on this you can pre-order my new book - Open When… (link in bio) or check out my million copy bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages!

👉 Have you experienced a friendship like this? We know that, when it comes to friendship, quality over quantity works best. But, how do you know which friendships are better? Perhaps one way to measure the quality of friendship is the degree to which you have to modify yourself to meet the expectations of the other person. There are plenty of interactions in which we willingly adjust how we present ourselves to play a certain role. Maybe that’s at work or in a position of responsibility and authority. But when it comes to friendship, acceptance and having each other’s best interests at heart is a foundation that cannot be substituted with counterfeit alternatives. Many people say that you learn who your friends are when times get tough. But in many ways this is even more true when you experience good times or personal success. The details of how this works are fascinating. If you want to know more, keep an eye out on my page this week as I’ll be bringing you something special. For more on this pre-order my new book - Open When… (link in bio)

🔥 The last one most people notice first. That’s because we often move straight from a painful emotion into doing something to numb it and get some relief from it. You don’t think consciously about feeling overwhelmed with stress - you just notice that you are putting off all the jobs that used to come easy, and avoiding even the things you once enjoyed. None of this is a fault or weakness. Stress is information. When you are willing to look at that information with curiosity, it can tell you what you need. 👉 If you find yourself overwhelmed with stress at times, there is a chapter devoted to this in my new book, Open When. (link in bio) The chapter is called ‘When you feel overwhelmed’ It includes a personal letter from me, talking you through the moment to help find calm and clarity, as well as some real time tools that you can use whenever these moments arise. 👉 If you would like a signed copy (UK) Waterstones are selling a limited number. For those in the USA Target are selling an exclusive edition. The link for all these editions are in my bio. Also available to order in many languages check link in bio or search for Open When by Dr Julie Smith..

🫣Wait for it! 👉Who else feels afraid that if you allow any of your emotions to surface, that they’ll all rise up and never go back down again? This is a common fear that prevents many people from talking about how they feel or accessing therapy. But there is a misconception about how you work through trauma in therapy. A therapist will never ask you to bring up old wounds until they trust that you can manage those painful emotions safely. And one of the reasons that therapy takes time is that it’s not done all at once. Things are done at your own pace in a safe space and only when you both decide that you are ready. 👉 For more on this you can pre-order my new book - Open When… (link in bio) or check out my million copy bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages!

👉 The last one often gets ignored. Do you ever pick up on it? These are just some of the subtle, uncomfortable ways that people who don’t really have our best interests at heart can reveal themselves. But it’s not just friendship that is so crucial to a healthy and happy life, it’s good quality friendship. If a friendship is taking away from your life, rather than adding to it, you have a decision to make. But never be too ruthless in your decisions. This is your life and relationships are complex. Take time to get clarity on the situation. Chapter 2 in my book, Open When.. is called, ‘When your friends are not your friends’. 👉 My new book ‘Open When...’ is finally available to order (link in bio) Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in over 35 languages. (link in bio)

👉 Which one relates? Some people resonate with both. The tendency is to withdraw and not to bother people with your presence. But when you find yourself around people, the tendency is to exhaust yourself trying to be enough for them, to earn their company. So how do you even begin to deal with this? The first, and most crucial step is to start noticing it in all of the times and places it occurs. Sounds easy, but this type of behaviour will be so automated and habitual that it will happen time and time again in ways that you may not notice. So journalling with a focus on how this crops up is a great way to start spotting it. Exploring where this came from can help to make sense of the powerful feelings that arise and that make it so difficult to do anything different. Once we are able to see emotions and urges to act in certain ways, as echoes from the past, we can more easily experiment with going against those urges and experimenting with a new way of behaving. Use the journalling to ask yourself, what would I do differently if I felt more worthy of others company? Apply that type of question to the array of different situations that are affected, and see if you can take steps in that direction. It will, of course, feel uncomfortable and anxiety provoking to begin with. Thats because this is new. Take the fear with you and see how far you can go. 👉 For more on this you can pre-order my new book - Open When… (link in bio) or if you don’t have it already check out my million copy bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages!

👉 Don’t miss these 3 signs! ⬇️ More subtle signs that someone is being passive aggressive: • Sarcasm • Sulking, becoming cold or indifferent • Subtly excluding you from the group • Engaging in gossip about someone • Agreeing to something while making it clear that it is hassle for them • Subtle but persistent comments in an otherwise friendly interaction that leave you doubting how they really feel about you. Which of these signs do you pick up on the most? And how do you respond? Let me know in the comments. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. We often don’t know how to respond until we’ve had time to think it through. 🎁 For some real time tools on how to respond to passive aggressive behaviour, I cover this in more detail in my new book, Open When.. The link in my bio will take you to retailers for UK, USA and the rest of the world. ☆A limited number of signed copies are available from Waterstones, UK. ☆ An exclusive edition is available from Target, USA.

#ad #ad This was a surprise! The health risks associated with not sleeping enough are well known. But some research studies have shown associations between excessive sleep and physical and mental health problems, including depression. When life gets busy and your sleep suffers, you start to feel like you could sleep for a week. But, my experience seemed to reflect the research that shows that if you are generally healthy and conditions are good, it is almost impossible to oversleep. So, if you notice that you are tending to sleep excessively, it is more likely that this is a symptom of other problems, rather than the cause. As a Samsung wellness ambassador I have been using my Galaxy Watch7 to keep tabs on my sleep for some time. As a working parent my problem tends to be that I don’t get enough sleep. But having the daily reminder has encouraged me to make it a priority - and I feel much better for it. Of course, this video was just for fun and not supposed to represent a detailed scientific study or research. #SamsungPartner #GalaxyWatch7

👉 Have you spotted any of these? You might want to keep this saved to refer back to. Sometimes the signs that are easier to notice are those that appear in our own reactions. For example, being around someone who is emotionally immature can feel exhausting. There is a sense of always having to walk on eggshells to accommodate their tendency to perceive almost anything as criticism and the intense reaction that follows. That highly defensive reflex might be volatile, but it can also be more passive aggressive. So, every now and then you notice you are being ignored and the guessing games begin as you try to work out what you have done wrong. When you love someone who is emotionally immature, it is natural to yo-yo between working hard to gain their approval and occasionally rejecting them out of frustration. But rather than going round in circles with them, breaking that cycle comes from making the radical decision to stop seeking validation and approval from someone who is not emotionally mature enough to give it. 👉For more insights on when it's difficult to be with others, click the link in my bio for a copy of my book, Open When. Last time, Amazon ran out of books, but if you get your order in now, there is enough time to get it to your door on publication day. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in over 35 languages.

👉 My secret is finally out! The book that I (and so many others) have needed but not been able to find… I wrote it for us. (link in bio) I have poured everything into making this earn its place on the bookshelf and I have never been so fired up to get a piece of my work out to the world. Some of these chapters have helped me find my stride when I might otherwise have been freefalling this year. And I want them to do the same for you, whatever life is challenging you with. I will share more details on how this book was born but for anyone here looking for where to order your own copy, the link in my bio will take you to wherever you would like to get it from; Waterstones, Amazon, Audible and there is also a link for independent book stores. For those in the USA, you’ll see links to pre-order from Target, Booksamillion.com, Amazon US, Barnes and Noble, and Bookshop.org. This book is also being translated into several languages already so check the international retailer links to see if your language is included yet. More will be added soon. From the very beginning, I always said that I would only write another book if I had something valuable to say…and, well, I want to shout this stuff from the rooftops. When life gets messy and confusing (as it does for everyone) most of us struggle to be the voice that we need to hear; the voice that helps us find the best way to look at things and reminds us to start taking steps forward. So, this is the book for us all, for ourselves when we need a way through, for our children as they fly the nest, for our friends that live out of reach, and for our family when we can’t find the words to say. If you order yours today, it should arrive with you on publication day 2nd January. @penguinbooks @michaeljbooks @‌harperonebooks @harpercollins

👉 The second one on the list is the most crucial for building your social confidence. Here’s why: If feeling the discomfort of awkward moments is something you are not willing to accept and tolerate, then all of the choices you make will be dictated by the need to avoid those feelings. As a result, all the actions that would build social confidence (like spending as much time with people as possible) become out of bounds to you. And the more you avoid those uncomfortable but rewarding experiences, the more your social world shrinks and social anxiety grows. To begin to tackle that fear of socially awkward moments, you first need a clear way through those feelings. I talk you through how to do this in my new book, Open When. Click on the link in my bio to get yours. 👉 My new book ‘Open When...’ is finally available to order (link in bio) Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in over 35 languages.